Why Shinobi Should Not Write Stories
by Ashen Skies
Summary: One fine day the Rookie 9 got together to pen the greatest story ever told - in the form of a roundrobin. With contributions by the Suna trio and unauthorized add-ons by teachers, here be the fruits of their labour. Beware of completely pointless crack.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own nor am I in any way affliated to Naruto, and this is writte just for fun and profit and to celebrate the joy that is the Naruto series. Well, at least the joy of the characters in the Naruto series, the plot is getting draggier and more insanely convoluted by the chapter.

**Pairings:** None.

**Warnings:** Complete, plotless, useless crap.

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Why Shinobi Should Not Write Stories

or

The Worst Attempt At A Round Robin Ever

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Once upon a time, in a land far away, in a perfect little city, there was a beautiful princess who was famed throughout the entire world for her beauty. Songs were sung about her lovely pink hair, the colour of LOVE and SWEETNESS both of which, incidentally, the beautiful princess had lots of. Poems were penned about her bright green eyes, the colour of SPRING in all its glory. Everyone who saw her was struck dumb by her stunning appearance –

WHICH WAS A TERRIBLE THING, because you then had a whole city full of mute and unconscious people. For you see, her beauty was a result of a badly-worded wish from when she was an ugly servant with a big forehead, and so now when people talked of her being a knock-out they weren't kidding. Luckily, the most beautiful QUEEN in the world, her blond-haired blue-eyed beauty being natural and real and in no way harmful, passed through on her honeymoon with her gorgeous, suave husband who was raven-haired and had intense blue eyes and loved –

Being an arrogant, stuck-up pain in the ass who KICKED PUPPIES when he was younger and didn't even have the grace to appear sorry at all, saying some nonsense about how it was an accident Anyway no one knew why the girls liked him, seeing as how he ignored all of them, or else threw insults, and he wasn't even that good looking anyway. Probably he only married the queen because she forced him into it, being a very freaky woman. Of course, there was one girl who didn't fall for his act. She was gentle and shy, but so much better than the scary princess and queen –

Who are going to kill a certain puppy-wielding storyteller when they read the completed story, and if he tries to ask his teammate for help, his teammate will leave him to his deserved fate, and his other teammate will not save him on account of being too nice to choose between her boyfriend and two of her girl friends.

The king didn't care what people said about him, because they were all weak. He also didn't care for any of the annoying women around him, so he left the fake queen – who was never his wife – with the loud princess and went on to carry out his mission successfully, killing his hated enemy and all that stood in his path.

The king's DETERMINATION in his striving to complete his quest was an INSPIRATION to all the young people of the world in the SPRINGTIME of their YOUTH! Many of them went on to do GREAT THINGS, achieving feats of STUPENDOUS proportions! One of those feats was achieved by a young man BURNING with the FIRE OF LOVE, who removed the curse from the princess who became EVEN MORE beautiful, not that she wasn't very beautiful already. The princess was so awed by the youth that she fell in love with him and they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

The queen decided that the king wasn't worth it anyway and to celebrate her new freedom, she invited her two friends and sensei to the best grill house in the city, where they ate and ate and ate and ate so that they were all very happy and full, and Ito-san was so awed by the queen that he gave one of her friends the special sauce recipe that he REFUSED TO SHARE for AGES, and also coupons for all-you-can-eat buffets! And they had a great party and no one got sick from over-eating.

They made too much noise in trying to get the local racoon demon to participate in their story writing activity. He turned the entire city to sand and tore everybody's heads off. But due to his friend the fox demon begging him, he fixed their heads back on. Fine, fine, and he also restored the city.

So basically we're back to where we started, which is nowhere because your story doesn't even HAVE a proper plot. Geez, you're all a bunch of kids. Fine, how about: one day a trio of siblings from a foreign country visited the city, and the people there were all awed because the visitors were in a league of their own, far above their reach. They were powerful beyond imagining and the people were humbled before them.

Good one! To continue: and when they were attacked, the siblings magnanimously helped them to fend off their enemies, displaying skills beyond compare and earning the eternal gratitude of the city, immortalized in, ironically, stories told to generation after generation. Oh, and in puppet shows.

What the siblings left out, however, was that there was another famous figure in the stories, from the city itself. He was strong enough to rival, and perhaps even best, the foreign siblings, for all that he was forced to be subjugated to another branch of his family. However, he proved to them his strength, and they acknowledged him as their superior.

One member of that branch of the family was glad that her cousin's worth was recognized. She was happy for him, and worked hard to improve herself to be his equal. She was also grateful that his recognition eased some of the burden on her shoulders, and gave her more time to be with her friends and… and… boy… friend. Yes. I said it!

Lurking in the shadows of history, preferring to work in the background rather than go to the trouble of dealing with people, was someone who watched all the troublesome fighting and relationship issues with much amusement. And yes, lamented the lack of plot.

Which was easily remedied when everyone was introduced to the joys of Icha Icha Paradise! They were all very grateful to their benefactor and gave him lots of –

Opportunities to battle with his ETERNAL RIVAL, a GREAT and MIGHTY person who helped the city's children to reach the PEAK of their YOUTHFUL ENERGIES –

And who had a suave cigarette-smoking colleague who could defeat the shadow-lurker in chess, after what seems like eternity trying –

And who had a girl student who was brilliant at weapons who saved the story-writing scroll from the teachers when all the rest of the people, including the so-called great warrior subjugated to his family, could not. Hah.

Of course, GREATEST OF ALL, was the guy even more cool, even more suave, even more popular, and stronger than the king and the so-called great warrior and the dog-boy! Who all the girls were in love with! Who saved the day many times! Everything was right once again, with no more hate in the world. The end!

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Sorry folks... too much sugar too late at night. This was just some really weird thing that has no point whatsover.

**Ashen Skies**  
_"Hah."_


End file.
